I used to think “stoicism” meant to endure challenges and hardships with a “stiff upper lip.” But someone in one of my meetings mentioned how the Stoic philosophy had helped them in their recovery. The book they recommended (A Guide to the Good Life, The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy) provides an overview of Stoicism’s history and tenets, which I discovered aligned with my personal values, and suggests how to apply these concepts in real life.
If you’re a TLDR kind of person or are disinclined to dive into something without testing the waters first, here are some of the principles of Stoicism that spoke to me and have been the most helpful in my sobriety.
Nothing Is Permanent
Momento Mori. “Remember you die.” Maybe a little depressing. Or is it? Nothing in this life is permanent, whether that we ourselves, the people we love, the emotions we feel, or the things we buy. There is always an end to the good times, as well as the bad.
It was a helpful reminder, especially early in sobriety, that a thought or even an urge to pick up a drink was something that would pass, as long as I do not give into the urge. I learned to recognize that feeling for what it was: something temporary. Sometimes I would distract myself by doing other things. Often it was just enough to catch the thought, pause, and choose how I wanted to respond.
Remembering that nothing is permanent helps me stay in the present and be grateful for who and what I have. I can’t change my past, I can influence the future, and I can enjoy this moment.
I also remind myself that even sobriety isn’t permanent (guaranteed): it could be gone in an instant of negligence or inattention. So I never take it for granted, and I am thankful for every day of it.
Focus on What You Can Control
This wasn’t a new concept to me. I first learned the value of this during my business career. Focus on what you can control or influence, and don’t waste energy on the things you can’t. Later, I heard the message again through The Serenity Prayer. While I am not religious, I love how it captures this concept.
I can and sometimes still do get hung up on worrying about bad outcomes that may happen. When I notice myself starting to step onto the hamster wheel of obsessive worry, I stop and ask myself what (if anything) can I do? If the answer is nothing, I stop myself and consciously shift my attention to where my actions will have an impact. When I’m hit with a big emotion, I have learned to stop and really look at what is going on both within and outside of myself. Even a pause of a minute or two gives me a chance to consider how I want to respond. For too many years, my response to almost any situation, good or bad, was to reach for a drink. Now when something that would ordinarily trigger that reaction happens, by pausing I give my rational brain a chance to catch up and choose an alternative response that does NOT involve alcohol.
Be Content with What You Have
Our capitalist society is powered by an economic engine fueled by consumerism. We are bombarded with messages encouraging us to acquire products and services, some that are actual “needs” and many more that are simply “wants.” One of the reasons it works as well is because we’re seldom satisfied once we get what we’ve pursued. “Hedonic adaptation” describes the never ending cycle of desire, pursuit, acquisition, and ultimately disappointment. Something new delights us, until we get used to it. Then we need something bigger, better, newer to be happy again. The satisfaction we get from new things or experiences is fleeting. So we keep chasing satisfaction. We get so caught up in the pursuit of happiness that we forget how to just be content. Stoicism encourages us to be aware of our wants and needs, and to question the urge to get more.
As someone formerly addicted to alcohol, that cycle is all too familiar. Consumerism feels a lot like addiction. It’s something I work to stay mindful of. Once again when I feel the urge, I pause and ask myself: Do I really need XYZ? Will this make me happy? So often the answer is no.
If you’re interested in learning more about Stoicism, in addition to the above mentioned book, I encourage you to check out The Daily Stoic . You can even subscribe to receive a daily email meditation.
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